I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
