I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found puke in my bra..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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