So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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