just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
