My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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