And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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