i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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