tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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