If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
