We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
