The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
