Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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