have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
