did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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