We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
