i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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