I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
