she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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