i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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