Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
