I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize