Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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