I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
