how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
