I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
