i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Vodka?
Forever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
