i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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