I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
