I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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