Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
