first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
