Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
