I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
