I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
