He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
