i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
