his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
