doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
