if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
