wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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