She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
