i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
