i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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