So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
