her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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