sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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