jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
