I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
