I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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