Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
