he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
