This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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