Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
